Volvo Dork

I had originally worried that the Volvo would be a pain in the ass for city driving. It is a 4500 lb gutless 5 speed station wagon. The thing wreaks of middle class helicopter mom insecurity at it's finest. However, i have discovered that a) the speed limit is <45 mph all the way to work and b) i really like working through the gears, even if it is in rush hour traffic.

Besides, it'll be warm in a few weeks and I'll be back on the bike.

I put 300lbs of cinder blocks in the back to weigh it down in the snow. My father and I had long discussion about how much was enough. He contended that I needed much more weight, while I held that the ChevOldsMobuiac changed candor with every 50 lb lump that gets added.

This morning was test time. I gave the throttle a sprighly jab after i backed out of the driveway and onto the snowy street. The engine rev'ed and the car surged before the wheels spun. I may need more mass, but at least i am near the desired effect... having the rear bumper chase the front is chimera.

I have been searching for the perfect denigrating nickname. I was going to keep calling it The Brick, but that's not all encompassing. It has more personality. I am particularly taken with it's amazing ability to generate faint burning smells, particularly right after it is shut off and you are walking away. Burning oil, rubber, electronics, barbique, brakes, and leaves... this car likes to smell like burning. Yet, there are never scortch marks.

The CD player is a blessing. I can re-live my angsty youth listening to well scratched Greenday CDs. The heated seats and the cd player are amazing. I roll to work in luxury.

On my way home, fleeing an exciting day of science-dork heroism that involved sitting at a desk and carefully re-writing a document that I have re-writen a thousand times, I was cut off by the umpteenth-moron driving a car made this century. I considered that Volvo station wagons are not very sexy compared to Mercedes, Farraris, and BMWs. That is, of course, until you want a car that you can actually have sex in... Good luck in that Z3. I guess rich people wait until they get back to the mansion. Perhaps that's where Volvo gets the reputation as a family car.