Defensive Posture

To celebrate Presidents day, the Girly scheduled a vet appointment to honor the leaders of our great nation, and more importantly, ensure that the dog and I were not bored.

The visit went pretty well, until, when being smothered in affection by the vet (a nice young lady) and the tech (a nice young lady) he growled. The committee decided that muzzling the 97 lb toothy oaf was a good idea. (I know he bites like a toothless baby, but I knew they didn't and weren't going to risk it. My attitude: "Remember how I train you not to do that? This is why...") We struggled to muzzle him. He knows how to open his mouth and wriggle. They offered "the towel trick", whatever that was. I gave it one more try, just to be nice to the oaf. He and I took a long walk in the parking lot where lots of wriggling and wrestling took place. We came back, muzzle in hand, Mutt wriggly as ever.

"Sorry," I said, slightly bloody and very slobbery. The tech put a slip knot leash on him and went away.

A few minutes later, the vet came back. I felt sheepish. My dog can be humiliating at times.

"That was easy. We're just going to finish everything. He's a lot more relaxed when your not here. He's probably trying to protect you from us."

*

Well, damn.


I laughed and through up my hands in surrender. The vet left the room, i fiddled with the RFID scanner. (The vet would later scan him. -beep- "Oh, that's cute, you talk to computers!")

I must admit, I had never really thought about the possibility of my dog protecting me...

 

Which is made of of this...

Trying to protect me. Brave, strong, and noble are not adjectives The Dog garners at first examination.  The situation is, by our account, the other way around. I keep him out of traffic. Fed. Out of fights, out of trash, and generally have to act like a helicopter dad to keep vet trips on the ixnay. I like my vets a lot, from a distance. I shoot him with rubber bands and water when he barks. We always joke about how happy he'll be when the burglars break the windows to get in. New friends and a dog door! I write this with a firm and steady hand: I have done nothing to incentivize or ingratiate my dog to defending my well being.

Our dog is not a weapon. More of a smelly doorstop.

However, the protective explanation would explain why our efforts to train him to not growl at bicycles, old men, and sometimes visitors fail. The worst incident on record happened when The Girly slipped and fell on ice during a walk, and he went after an elderly lady trying to help her up. I had just chalked this up to his unwillingness to do anything that doesn't have dog treat as a terminal punctuation mark.

Over-protective dog bastard? I'd buy it (along with the 350$ vet bill...).

The vet gave me the card of her favorite trainer.

"She works with rescue pit bulls and Rottweilers."

He lay on the floor and I rubbed his belly while they ran my credit card.

Dog bastard.