Are Volvos Dorky?

I'm so glad you asked.

I know you asked because you typed it into google, and it showed up on one of todays search terms that led to my blog. (For a long time "Dating a Chemist" was a popular term, but now I'm married, so I imagine "Marrying a Chemist" should be the correct search term, for those of you who know who you are.)

The short answer to your question is "maybe".

To people who own Volvos because they are safe, refined, sensible cars, they are not dorky. For late model Volvos, these people tend to be high income families. Volvos aren't dorky if they are owned by these people. They're the sensible European alternative to a market that is otherwise dominated by nazi sleds.

There is another group of people, almost completely isolated in the pacific northwest and new england, who drive old volvos because they are safe, repairable, and have somehow survived 25-35 years wihout rusting (much). These people are almost certainly driving Volvos with model numbers that end in a "-40". These people tend to be credit card hippies who inherited the family station wagon from the first group, or high income wanna-be hippies (like college professors) who bought one to celebrate getting tenure and never thought about it again. Either group has the financial wherewithal to take their car to Sven the Volvo Stooge for the twice annual 1000$ repair job without pause, and even walk away from such experiences feeling righteously smug, having certainly done some good for the world by keeping their car running. Hippies and professors tend to be dorks. QED.

The last group of people who own Volvos have a strange obsession with driving a boxcar. More than that, they probably want to drive a box car like a sports car. They spend a lot of time ordering obscure parts from europe and obsessing about how gases flow through their "flame trap". They might have any of a sequence of Volvos, but that's hardly matters, because there is always some components from some related model that they wish they had in the car they actually own. These poor saps spend more time under their "reliable, easy to fix" rustbuckets than they do with human beings, which is sad, because real car people usually have an really awesome car to show for their effort. Thus, their obsession with a car with industrial aerodynamics, bus-like acceleration, a design cues only a soccer mom could love, makes them hipsters who believe that they have something cool that was never actually cool, and therefore dorks.

So, there you have it. If you make six figures, don't want seem stuck up, likely have two kids (you should check just in case), and are the first owner of a late model Volvo, you're free and clear and not a dork, just reserved and refined.

Otherwise, if you own a Volvo, you're probably a dork.