Reverse Ownership

A long form list of items in our abode that are non-functional and dysfunctional:

An ode to all that must be done

•  Volvo: Whilst repairing the naughty master cylinder, I happened upon the following filthy topics dangling about the undercarriage:

1. The brake lines are have cracked such that the core is visible for all to see: unacceptable. REPLACE!
2. Displeased was I to be assailed with the oozing of fluid from the dainty rear shock absorber. Certainly, an inspector anointed by the Fine State of Virginia(antiq.) would too be displeased with such, and bring harm upon our persons. REPLACE!
3. Wherefore I was testing the new master (and I do not take that lightly!) cylinder, but great clouds of white smoke issued forth from the horse-compartment, blocking my starry headlamps. What of that? When I returned to the abode, I cracked her bonnet and burned the torch on her! Even in the lateness of the hour, it was obvious that restraint had been thrown to the wind, and likewise oil had been thrown from the (now defunct) rear camshaft seal onto hot exhaust manifold, to burn a fetid burn. This too, REPLACE!

•  ChevOldsmoBuiac: Not to be outdone, memories from the parking brake cable fiasco hang near, as do many boxes with shiny things inside. 

1. A fubsy metal bone, a thrust mount, for the front to hold the muscles tight, and abolish the PRNDNRP knicky-knock.
2. A mess of shiney clean pipes fuel lines, to be hidden behind. Lest the holy-waters get pissed upon the burning ghosts going  the otherway, and the ensuring fire of divinity consume us.
3. A muffler, as the the current one is mucked up, and the screamed ghosts do so give us pause.

• Dryer: While on the topic of fire, the household fire box has been unreliable firing our fine garments. It could not make up its small mind whether to warm the clothes or not, and then, to add insult to soggy injustice, would periodically vent gassy emissions that putrefied the air in the yard, ruined the sense of the nose, attract the dog, carrying itself as a useless, flatulent, metal box. The gas valve too: REPLACE!