"Oh no. Not again."

It was somewhere between 00:00 and 01:30. I had just finished a Borderlands bender and collapsed in bed. About the time my consiousness was starting to drift from my body, like a plastic bag leaving a throny tree, the dog lept up and tore out of the bedroom. Organic noices eminated from the living room.

"Did the dog just puke?" The Girly asked.

"No." I said, hoping that the certainty in my denial would cover whatever was now certainly all over the floor.

We drug ourselves out of bed to examine the damage.

I am always amazed at the volume a dog is able to puke in a single motion. Actually, the disconnect between the dog stomach and the dog head is just as amazing. The first thought after a good purging is clearly the joy and delight of having a large pile of warm food suddenly appear out of nowhere. Also, the dog has been known to wander the house, violently heaving, torso shaking with each convulsion, clearly indicating that the dog stomach has given up all attempts at digesting it's contents, while the dog head has clearly not gotten the message, and seems somewhere between apathetic and confused about the messages that the round thing back there is trying to send it. If the stomach wants empty, it has to push through the head to get its point of view recognized. Compare this, for example, to someone with a raging hangover. Just pass them the bucket.

"It looked like he puked up his brain, which would explain alot." The Girly would later muse about the event.

Having the dog keep you up all night on monday puts a damper on the whole week.

Having learned our lesson the first time the dog exploded, we scheduled a vet appointment first thing in the morning. Vetrinary care is a lot like what you'd hope human care would be: we bagged a 0930 appointment, put down $200, and walked out with a diagnosis and a perscription for some medication to kill all the alien bacteria in the dog.

Alien bacteria introduced by eating alien poop.

So, for the next week, he's been getting ant-acid (OTC from walgreens!), a pro-biotic (to encourage dog bacteria in his dog stomach) and, ironically, an anti-biotic to kill the alien bacteria in his dog stomach.